


Flashes

by wenderpul



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 14:05:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wenderpul/pseuds/wenderpul
Summary: Flashes make Wendy, but they break Seungwan.





	Flashes

Wendy really should have gotten used to camera flashes – that was her life, what she was trained to do. She would have said she did a pretty good job accustoming herself to them. At times, she thrived being in the spotlights of so many cameras, because it meant that all of her sweat, tears and sacrifice were finally paid off.

 

But there was no point in getting used of the attention anymore, not at this moment.

 

This time, the flashes felt incredibly punishing; their lights blinding and each camera shutter felt like a shot to her whole body, but she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She gathered all the remaining strength left in her body (which was not much) and opened her eyes again before she started walking towards a podium that was prepared just for her.

 

It felt like she was walking straight to her execution site, and that was probably right.

 

When she finally arrived at her destination, her eyes wandered to look at the press conference room. It was a spacious room and a lot of reporters and cameras were there. Not surprising, considering how high they had climbed since their debut. She wished that even after today, they would still be around for Red Velvet.

 

Her palms were sweating and she was sure that her voice would come out in squeak if she spoke, so she cleared her throat lightly. That was when she looked at where her members were rigidly standing and met _her_ eyes.

 

Just like that, Wendy’s uncertainties and fear dissolved. She chastised herself in her mind, getting upset because she had almost forgotten why she was there in the first place.

 

If it was for her, Wendy would go through anything just to protect her.

 

So she straightened her posture and opened her mouth, beginning to speak with her “live show” voice, taking control just like what an idol should do on her stage.

 

*

 

Joohyun had always been so bright for Seungwan.

 

Seungwan had known her later than Seulgi did, been less close to her than Yerim and was not as dependent to her as Sooyoung but when they debuted together, somehow she just grew closer to the sweet, shy girl she had to call her leader.

 

And it was tough for Seungwan.

 

Joohyun was generally a touchy person and unlike Seulgi, Seungwan was not exactly adverse for it. On good days, she enjoyed and even sought for it. The problem began when she started to feel too much and noticed the little details she really should not have.

 

Like the way Joohyun gave a secret, soft smile that was only for her. Or the way Joohyun’s eyes would always look for her when she was laughing (and maybe how she always giggled at the silliest things Seungwan said, even if she herself did not find them funny). Maybe it was also in the way Joohyun’s first instinct was to look for Seungwan whenever she was scared or troubled.

 

Seungwan was flattered, really. Especially since she knew how her own heart beat a little too fast whenever Joohyun was around, how it turned green whenever Joohyun acted affectionate with anyone besides herself or the bursting fondness when Joohyun did – everything.

 

She liked the silent conversations they had, the ones nobody else understood but them. She liked looking at Joohyun and knowing that she was paid the same attention back. She liked being the one to provide warmth whenever Joohyun was cold. She liked listening to Joohyun’s laughter and knowing that she was the reason for it.

 

Liked.

 

She liked.

 

No, she loved Joohyun.

 

But that was not okay.

 

Seungwan was not innocent. She had been with a few girls pre-Red Velvet, in Canada. She was perfectly aware of her own feelings towards Joohyun. However, it was different this time. She was not just the bright eyed, fresh faced Wendy Shon; she was also Wendy from Red Velvet and a woman in her mid 20s, perfectly aware of what she wanted and needed. There were responsibilities tied to her and in a very typical Seungwan way, she kept her feelings in rein.

 

She suppressed her budding emotions and acted affectionately with everyone, doing her best to not show her true feelings for Joohyun. She was aware of the sorrowful eyes following her whenever she linked arms with Sooyoung, or when she fondly called out to Seulgi and even when she was teasing Yerim, but she cruelly acted like she was oblivious to the silent plea behind those eyes.

 

The affection she gave Joohyun was aplenty but she counted each and every one carefully, not wanting to let anyone, especially the leader herself getting the wrong idea. Whenever she felt like she had crossed an invisible line that she set, she pulled away abruptly, confusing and angering Joohyun. It might be odd for others, but this was the path she chose to walk in and it was easier because she had decided to be honest to herself but lied to everyone else.

 

She would rather bear the pain of being in a cold war with Joohyun than jeopardizing everyone’s future.

 

No matter how hard Joohyun tried to break down her walls, Seungwan kept building it back up - sturdier than the last.

 

It took years and Seungwan was certain that both of their hearts were already battered the day Joohyun chose to give up on getting through her walls. She wished she could say she that she barely noticed it when Joohyun’s eyes started to set on someone else that was not her but she did, since she had never taken her eyes off of Joohyun, not for a moment.

 

When silent conversations slowly disappeared, Seungwan felt the hole in her heart grew bigger.

 

It made perfect sense for Joohyun to turn to someone else that deserved her - someone that was not Seungwan. It might take some time, but Seungwan desperately believed that she would be fine. At the very least, she could learn to live with the ever-present pain in her heart. After all, time numbs everything, right?

 

Yet, because Joohyun was Joohyun and Seungwan was Joohyun’s (even if Joohyun herself did not realize it), she vowed to protect Joohyun with everything she had.

 

If she was not brave enough to be with Joohyun, the least she could do was to be brave enough to protect Joohyun and the person she had chosen.

 

That was when Wendy took over.

 

*

 

They were in a club that night, and Irene, or rather – Joohyun, had gotten careless. All of them were in high spirits, glad to finish another round of successful promotion. They were still in their stage outfits and tonight, they were in suits. Nobody wanted to change as it was pretty comfortable and they were in high mood to celebrate.

 

By now, all of them had had at least a drink or two, with Joy being the one who downed the most bottle and was now singing praises about beautiful, beautiful grande (the singer or the size of a Starbucks drink, Wendy had no idea) while Yeri was too busy laughing as she recorded her newest blackmail material.

 

Wendy would be lying if she said she did not notice when their other two members slipped away amidst loud music and raucous laughter but she pretended she did not. It was easier that way than having to dwell in the growing ache she had grown all too familiar with. She interacted with their staffs, acting like she normally did. However, as time passed and the two seats were still left unoccupied, she got a little more restless.

 

She excused herself from the noisy crowd surrounding her, almost convinced that no one would hear her in the noise but one of their back dancers, Yoojin - whom she had long believed had a crush on her - decided to tag along with her. Yoojin tightly weaved their arms together and kept murmuring something underneath her breath. Wendy thought she heard a string of compliments directed to her, but she paid no heed to them. She was growing increasingly worried as she could not see Irene or Seulgi among the club go-ers. On an impulse, she dragged Yoojin to the restroom area, half dreading of what she would see there.

 

On her way there, she passed by a few irritable female patrons who complained about the restroom being locked from inside and a group of people who just seemed to lounge around the area for no particular reason. Her concern grew and she quickened her pace, hoping that it was not Irene or Seulgi who locked the whole restroom because if so, what were they thinking? They would attract more attention this way.

 

When she knocked the door to the restroom and softly called out for Seulgi, she was surprised by the door being opened suddenly and found herself, along with Yoojin being pulled in. The door was slammed shut immediately after, and Wendy found herself staring at a trembling Seulgi. Irene was standing a few feet behind Seulgi, looking troubled as well but she seemed distracted when she realized Yoojin’s presence.

 

“Se-Seungwan. I think someone saw me and Joohyun unnie ki-kissing.”

 

Wendy ignored the sudden pain searing her heart and focused on the issue at hand. “What? When did this happen? Where? Did they get a picture of you?”

 

Seulgi seemed close to tears as she shook her head. “I’m not sure about pictures. We were both drunk and we were standing at the back of the crowd, so we thought no one could see us since the DJ was hyping them up but then I saw some people pointing, so we slipped in the crowd and hid here since.”

 

The panic was causing Seulgi to be half delirious now and Wendy reached out, wanting to hold Seulgi’s hands when suddenly Irene stepped forward, wrapping an arm around Seulgi’s waist in an attempt to calm her girlfriend. Her eyes were sharp and her voice was stern when she spoke.

 

“I think it had been around 10 minutes since we were here. We’re not sure how to slip out because they were following us and they might be waiting just outside the restroom.”

 

Wendy turned away, unable to meet Irene’s eyes but she nodded nonetheless, showing that she understood the whole situation. She was a little mad that they had been so careless but the damage had been done, there was no use to argue about it right now. She quickly analysed the whole situation in her mind. When she noticed that both Irene and Seulgi still had their suits on – an idea slowly started to form.

 

She glanced at Yoojin, noticing that the girl who was taking everything in without a word. She had taken off her jacket but otherwise, she was dressed pretty similarly to them. There was only one solution she could think of, so she held out her hand to Seulgi and Irene’s general direction.

 

“One of you, please give me your jacket.”

 

Both seemed confused, but Irene was the one who took off her jacket and handed them to Wendy. Wendy nervously took it before turning to Yoojin again.

 

“Yoojin, can I ask a favour from you?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Can you wear this jacket and pretend to be my lover?”

 

Irene who seemed calm throughout the whole ordeal turned horrified. “Seungwan, no. You don’t have to do this. You’re not involved in this. We can all just sneak out and-”

 

“Unnie, the whole club knows that Red Velvet is here and what we wear. Since it’s dark, our outfits are all they can see. It might or might not be us, but they will pay attention now. Sneaking out will just makes things worse for us.”

 

“No, no. I won’t let you. We can call Gyun oppa and ask for his help.”

 

Wendy chuckled bitterly. “Unnie, neither you nor Seulgi brought your phones with you. I called you first before coming.”

 

Irene grew more frantic when she realized that Wendy was speaking the truth. She gripped Wendy’s wrist, shaking it lightly and she half-shouted at Wendy when she talked.

 

“Then let me. I can do this, it was my fault. I was the one who got careless. You shouldn’t have to bear my sins. I can just go out there with Seulgi. We will be fine.”

 

They would not. Everyone there knew this, but no one said it out loud. Wendy glanced at Seulgi and noticed how pale her best friend was, causing her to sigh.

 

“Unnie, you have to get Seulgi out once the coast is clear. I think she might pass out from the stress. Yoojin, is this okay for you? If you don’t want to do it, it’s fine. I’ll think of other ways, somehow.”

 

Yoojin stared at the three of them, observing how tense Wendy was and Seulgi’s quivering figure. She noted the fire in Irene’s eyes, especially when the pair of orbs were directed at her although moments ago she had the saddest look in them while she was staring at Wendy. Somehow, this strengthened her resolve and she shrugged at Wendy, quickly agreeing to the vague plan.

 

“Sure. I don’t mind. I kind of like you anyway, so it would be an honour. But I don’t think this is the right time for that.”

 

Wendy had an apologetic look on her face, which was expected since that was just how she was. She would never hurt someone intentionally, but this situation called for urgent actions. Irene’s reaction was more interesting for Yoojin though, because Irene seemed livid with the way she glared at the dancer and how she kept clenching and unclenching her fist.

 

She held back a hollow laugh that was threatening to make its way. Irene should not have been staring at her that way, not when she had her lover by her side.

 

Unless if she was confused on who was the one who should be called hers.

 

“Okay, let’s move then. Please wear the jacket. And unnie, don’t worry too much. It’s better this way. Red Velvet can’t afford to lose you or Seulgi, but I’m dispensable.”

 

Before Irene could protest on the statement, Wendy had already intertwined her fingers with Yoojin’s, turning away from her and Seulgi. She took a deep breath before she turned to Yoojin and smiled.

 

“I’m sorry, Yoojin ah. Let’s do this.”

 

They walked out, leaving the door open since it would be more suspicious if they closed it back. Both of them ducked their heads and Wendy thanked god that they all had black hair for this promotion, or else it would have not been this easy. She heard footsteps following her closely so she sped, trying her best to slip between the crowd but at the same time, still slow enough to be trailed by them since they might notice Irene and Seulgi if they lost sight of Wendy and Yoojin.

 

Eventually, they were backed to the corner of the club. Wendy leaned at the wall, facing the crowd and exposing her face slightly. She hugged Yoojin who had her back facing the crowd. She refused to let the younger girl be harmed because of her rash decision.

 

The position they were in was honestly distracting her, since Irene’s lavender smell clung to her jacket and Wendy had the urge to do irrational thing like burying herself in the scent – just forgetting the predicament they were in. However, the saner part of her held back. She had to keep her mind clear if she wanted Irene and Seulgi to get away from this.

 

She could hear the small group of people that followed her talked to each other, wondering if they were the same women that were spotted before as they did not seem as intimate. Wendy panicked slightly when they started to look around for other people who might be dressed similarly to the two of them.

 

Wendy immediately pressed her forehead to Yoojin’s, trying her best to act like a lover while pretending to be oblivious to their observers’ presence. Her action managed to reel back their attention on her. Wendy’s knees almost gave out when she spotted Irene and Seulgi not too far from them, trying to make their way to the party’s reserved room.

 

In a split second, she made another quick decision. She moved her lips closer to Yoojin’s. From the corner of her eyes, Wendy could spot several phones being pointed her way and she tightened her hold on Yoojin’s jacket collar, mumbling an apology before she kissed the side of Yoojin’s lips, hoping that it would pass as an actual kiss from their spectators’ point of sight. She closed her eyes, imagining the hungry fingers pressing their camera shutters endlessly, snarling with glee as they pathed out her downfall. Her fingers were shaking and she could feel that her tears threatening to fall but then, she felt Yoojin softly palming her cheek.

 

“It’s okay, Seungwan unnie. Everything will turn out just fine.”

 

She wanted to apologize for involving the young dancer in her selfish desire to protect Joohyun but the sad eyes looking back at her stopped the words at the tip of her tongue. Suddenly, Yoojin looked much more sober than before and her eyes projected wisdom beyond her young age .

 

She sounded wistful when she assured Wendy. “I know how it feels to love someone and wanting to protect them at all cost too, so don’t worry about it. Let’s get out of here soon before anyone approaches us.”

 

“Yoojin...thank you.”

 

On their way back to dorm that night, there was silence in Red Velvet’s van. Joy and Yeri were passed out from drinking too much and Seulgi kept glancing at Wendy apologetically, but she could not say anything when their manager was able to hear it all. Irene looked grim, no one could guess what she was thinking but every once in a while, her expression contorted to pain and her nose would flare - it was obvious she was trying to hold back her tears.

 

As for Wendy, she was just dazed. She knew the harsh repercussions of her actions but she kept drawing blanks on how she could salvage Red Velvet. Her mind was in a whirlwind and it felt like whatever roads she planned on taking, they just lead to one destination, a purgatory where they would all be condemned for being humans.

 

She jumped out of the van and strode to their house as soon as they reached the dorm, letting Irene and Seulgi dealt with the two youngest members. She locked the door to her room and started to formulate plans on papers, her vision blurry from unshed tears, mourning for the peaceful days that are numbered.

 

Yet, she had no regrets. She fulfilled her promise to herself. So she ignored the knocks on her door that night, pretended she did not hear soft voices talking to each other at the other side of the door. Wendy did not sleep at all that night; she kept checking news sites and social networks, dreading every second that passed by.

 

As the first light of the day peeked through her curtains, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw signs that her plan had worked out. The first phone call of the day came from her manager, as expected. Afterwards, they did not stop coming.

 

Not when the pictures of Wendy kissing a girl made their ways to entertainment news’ front pages.

 

*

 

“I was the Red Velvet member that was caught kissing our back dancer at a club. I apologize to the people who feel uncomfortable with this, my fans who think I have disappointed them and to my members.” Wendy could feel burning stares from four pairs of eyes, looking at her from the side but she forced herself to avoid their gaze, “I should have known better as a member of Red Velvet and protect my image better, I am truly sorry for everything that happened.”

 

It was funny, Wendy thought. She could not see them but she could imagine how scared the maknae would be, and how Sooyoung would have been so angry at her for apologizing because for her, love was love – nothing and no one should get in the way of that. She knew that Seulgi would be crying while trying her best to suppress her sobs while Joohyun…

 

Joohyun would be looking at her with those unreadable eyes, ones she had seen countless times yet still found herself hopelessly drowning in.

 

Wendy took another deep breath as she continued speaking.

 

“I would like to thank everyone who has supported me during the past few days when the news first blew up. Unfortunately, after thorough discussion with the company, we have decided that it would be best if I withdraw from Red Velvet, and that’s what I am announcing today.”

 

There were shouts from the reporters and the flashes grew in intensity, which almost amused Wendy since she did not think it was possible. She glanced at her members’ direction then on a reflex and almost regretted her action when she saw their faces twisted with shock and horror but there was nothing anyone could do or say to stop Wendy. She saw Seulgi stepping forward slightly but Irene grabbed her hand and pulled her back, intertwining their fingers together to keep Seulgi rooted to her place. Irene’s gaze was hard and Seulgi was really crying, as Wendy had thought.

 

Just like that, she was no longer trapped.

 

“For the record, I am sorry that I got caught and my pictures was spread the way it was. However, I won’t be apologizing at the fact that I am a lesbian and I love a woman instead of a man.”

 

She shot another glimpse at where her members were standing, but she knew who she was really looking at. Wendy let out a melancholic smile, her own version of goodbye for a person who had given her more than she could ever imagine even if she was not aware of it.

 

“Thank you to everyone for coming here today, I apologize for taking your time.”

 

With that, Wendy bowed and strode out of the room, away from her members who by now were surrounded by the medias, eager to find out their reactions to Wendy’s announcement. Wendy walked straight to her manager who was already waiting to sneak her out of the venue to the airport, where she would take a flight and left behind everything she had worked hard for.

 

“Oppa, they will be okay right?”

 

The manager hesitated. He was among few who had been briefed about Wendy’s departure from the group before it happened since he had ben tasked to take Wendy out of the venue immediately before they were bombarded by questions. It was not easy for him to send away someone who was like a little sister for him and although he never shared it with anyone, including Wendy herself, he had seen the way Wendy looked at Irene and guessed the inner turmoil in the girl’s mind and heart. However, he spared Wendy one last act of kindness and stored what he had learned firmly, not wanting to inflict a world of pain to the girl who had already lost so much in a brief period of time.

 

“They will be, the other managers have been briefed about this and were prepared to get them out after your speech.”

 

“That’s nice. I hope they won’t take it too hard, though. I only did what I had to do to protect them.”

 

Wendy’s relieved face did not escape the manager, even if he only took a short glance through the rear-view mirror. There was a certain lightness in Wendy’s voice, like she was really confident that she really did the right thing. For a while, there was only silence between them in the car.

 

“Seungwan ah.”

 

The manager called softly as they turned to an open highway, the road that will lead Wendy away from the most precious existence for her.

 

“Hurmm?”

 

“Will you be okay?”

 

Wendy did not immediately answer her manager’s question. Instead, she thought of soft raven hair cascading past shoulder length, of unrestrained laughter at 2AM, of eyes that were too sharp yet soft at the same time, of touches that lingered longer than it should, of words that were never spoken – and she knew those were all she had left, and somehow it would be enough.

 

“I will be.”

 

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Unedited from AFF.
> 
> I haven't written anything new in ages I'm sad.


End file.
